I’m a highly sensitive person, as you maybe have already learned from my previous article. And above all, I am a woman — which means that I can be frustratingly moody at times. It might be the most beautiful day outside and still, parts of me will hurt and my enthusiasm will drop to the bottom. I’ll just feel sad — and this is the worst part of it, not knowing why exactly you suffer. Too many reasons or no reason at all?
Looking back, I regret letting my occasional sadness ruin what could have the best times of my life. And I’ve made this promise to myself — to not allow this happen ever again. It doesn’t pay off, being sad. You accomplish nothing lying in your bed and listening to — well, beautiful but dramatic songs. You don’t move forward. You don’t gain new experiences and you don’t create new memories. Life can offer so much only if you get the bravery to ask for it. Sadness takes away your opportunities because your thoughts are concentrated on pain and past experiences, not on achievements and future plans.
Actually, yes, sadness is needed sometimes — we all feel pain, we all have our demons and our regrets and giving ourselves some time to be broken and suffering is a good way to cope with all these. However, remaining in this condition too long is harmful — and the cure becomes poison.
How do I fight against being sad?
That’s a good question. Sometimes, frankly, I don’t. I let myself drown, and after a while I totally regret it. So, here are the little things that help me overcome my moodiness in difficult times, especially, when I can’t find another solution because I don’t know the exact source of sadness.
While it might not really sound as a way to cope with depression, it helps. Studies exist claiming that “a good cry” has a relaxing effect on the body by releasing endorphins, a natural “feel-good” chemical in your body. I don’t know how true this is, but tears have washed away my pain before, and I never stop myself from crying when I feel like it.
Sometimes, I feel sad for no obvious reason. It is subconscious, and I make the effort to dig in and acknowledge my feelings. You will be surprised how little you know yourself. And how many things you choose to ignore and refuse to accept. You don’t really have this power — they throng in your heart until you can’t bear their weight any longer. That is the moment when you break. A conscious or subconscious realization of anything that bothers you, that scares you, that threatens you.
I’ll give you an example. It’s a very personal one because — if something has the power to break you, well, it can’t be common. It comes from the heart.
A few months ago, there was a man that I cared about. And yet, at times I felt so sad — even though everything could have worked well, I felt sad. Why was that? Because I sensed that nothing would ever work well. Because I knew that we were not meant to be; because he was not what I needed neither was I what he deserved. I guess, sometimes feelings are not enough, and as a woman and a grown-up person I knew it — it was a realization somewhere in my mind, waiting for its time to become truth. It doesn’t break me any more, though, because I have already accepted the choice I made.
So, when you’re sad, think. Ask yourself the question that you do not want to be ever asked because giving an answer would hurt you. If you had asked me before if I wanted to be with that person, if I imagined our life together — maybe that would have been the moment when I would have understood the reason for my sadness.
I get distracted.
Thinking about your sadness can be good, but sometimes you just need to let it go instead of digging in. Go outside, take a walk or exercise at the gym, read a book, watch a series, meet with friends. Smile and listen to good music (and by “good” I mean fun). I know it’s difficult to shift your thoughts toward something which is beautiful and joyful when all you want to do is be closed behind your walls. It’s extremely difficult for me to pretend to be happy when I’m sad, and I’m sure that I always fail to misguide my friends. Smiling and talking seem to be impossible tasks, especially taking into consideration my likelihood to be quiet and not always too talkative.
It takes courage and a lot of strength to say “No” to being sad and force yourself into conversations that you do not want to have or activities that you do not want to be part of. But it works, most of the times, because your mind gets occupied with an imminent task and stops holding on the though of how miserable your life is. Distraction is good, and if you choose it properly, it might be worthy, too. Just as I am doing now — writing is the ideal distraction to overcome sadness, and brings some personal value, too.
Focus on one specific goal and, if needed forcefully, draw your attention to achieving it because emotions are temporary while achievements are lasting. The positive outcome will boost your mood and will bring back your enthusiasm, and while putting your efforts and thoughts into making it become true, you will not have time to think about your sadness and even might realize that whatever makes you sad, it simply doesn’t matter.
What are your ways to cope with sadness?
Please, share your Unique stories in the comment box.